I was there for what I thought was  a routine colonoscopy. But when I awoke the doctor told me they had found a rather large tumor that experience told him was malignant. He wanted me to go first thing in the morning to see a colleague of his, whom he expected would confirm his findings and admit me to his hospital. 

I had always wondered what it would be like to hear a doctor tell me that I had cancer. But in this case I simply did not believe it. I was convinced I would go in the morning and his colleague would say that it was a mistaken diagnosis. (After all I felt absolutely fine and had no symptoms at all) 

But not only did the second doctor the next morning confirm the diagnosis, he said he had put me on the top of the  surgical list for the next day and I would be the first to be operated on. That day was a whirlwind for me. I went from one  place to another, giving my blood, filling out forms, talking with the anesthesiologist.etc. At the end of the day I was brought to my room, all the nurses left, and I was left alone.( Daniel had not been allowed to accompany me due to Corona regulations) And so there I was alone in my room, quiet for the first time that day. I remember my heart turning to the Lord and telling him in unbelief - “ Lord I have CANCER!”

I just felt numb. I don’t really know how to explain to you what happened next except to say I actually felt the presence of the Lord. And it was almost like an audible voice that just started speaking Is .41:10 to me - “ Do not fear for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” And then immediately “Do not fear for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,Nor will the flame burn you.”

 I had this overwhelming sense that I was  in a very holy place. The God of the Universe, the Holy One of Israel was there with me. Suddenly I knew that it wasn’t about having  cancer or being healed - It was only about God. And He was there with me and He had not left me to go through this alone. The outcome was not the most important thing- It was the very Presence of God - going with me through life or even through death- The ever present God- that was all that mattered. Every hint of fear and loneliness vanished- and I knew in a whole new way that the greatest promise God ever gave me was “and lo I am with you always! Even to the end of the age!” And that night in the hospital I experienced the God who keeps His promises.